


Waiting at the Window/Listening at the Door

by thewhiskerydragon



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, Voyná i mir | War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Genre: Character Study, Gen, One Shot, Sonya Is Good, Sonya Rostova deserves better, Sonya-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 17:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13036056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewhiskerydragon/pseuds/thewhiskerydragon
Summary: If there is one constant in Sonya Alexandrovna Rostova’s life, it is that nothing in her life has been constant.





	Waiting at the Window/Listening at the Door

If there is one constant in Sonya Alexandrovna Rostova’s life, it is that nothing in her life has been constant.

Her entire existence, it seems, has been a lesson in the ever-shifting nature of the universe. Her dear parents had not stayed long in this world. Nikolai’s love for her had waned. Even now, she can feel Natasha slipping away from her.

Nothing good, nothing gold can stay. Sonya has learned this lesson and learned it well. It is one of the precious few things in this world of which she is sure.

 ****A LIST, NUMBERED FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE:

i. Sonya is good—this much she knows to be true. This, and little else.

ii. Sonya is not the favorite—this much is glaringly obvious. Marya Dmitrievna, for all her polite words and decorum, is far from subtle in that respect, but Sonya does not allow it to bother her anymore. Little bothers her nowadays, and heaven knows if that were not the case she’d have long since driven herself half-mad with grief. It could be worse, she thinks. Better to be held in contempt than in indifference, and if the price for Natasha’s company is the ire of the Rostovs, then it is well worth the cost.

So she learns to be a good girl, an ever-patient and caring friend to Natasha, even if Marya Dmitrievna spits her name like it leaves a bad taste in her mouth: Sofia Alexandrovna Rostova, the poor little orphan girl, the second-best, the spare, the _burden_.

It’s far too late for bitterness. She’d go insane carrying around a grudge that heavy.

iii. Sonya is no fool—she knows infatuation when she sees it. She recognizes it all too well in Natasha’s distant gaze, her offbeat mumblings, the random fits of laughter that seize her at all hours of the day and night. It stings bitterly, seeing her friend in such a strange, unnatural state.  

And then the letters come.

Natasha takes to locking herself in her room for hours on end and sitting by the window, staring idly into the distance. Waiting for something. She does not sleep. She forgets to eat. She is adrift somewhere in the great chasm of her own mind, trapped in her thoughts.

She is a ghost, and she is haunting Sonya.

iv. Sonya will not see her cousin disgraced—she stands guard at Natasha’s door like a loyal watchdog. Dear, sweet Natasha, who had accepted her into her home and her life without question. Dear, sweet Natasha, the sister Sonya had never had, her most trusted friend and beloved confidante, the sole point of constancy in her life. Dear, sweet Natasha, with her youth and her naivety and her innocence and her idealized visions of love and life and fate. Dear, sweet Natasha, who has never known the sharp sting of heartbreak, who is loved and always has been loved by all who meet her. Dear, sweet Natasha, who tosses Sonya to the side without so much as a second thought, who screams her hatred.

v. Natasha’s words hurt deeper than any slap or punch ever could— _I hate you Sonya, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you_. Sonya folds over on herself and sinks to the ground, wraps her arms around her knees, buries her face in her skirt, tries to shake them out of her mind as they echo like a endless mantra.

vi. Sonya has made up her mind—she will sacrifice Natasha’s happiness and love to save her from herself. It may feel like selling her soul, but by God it is a bargain.

And she will take any bargains she can find. Even if it means that she will never be forgiven.

vii. Sonya is alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Sonya is the only pure and good character in the dumpster fire that is the War and Peace family tree.  
> Special shout-out to @MaplePaizley for being an amazing beta and the genius, amazing writer/person that she is.


End file.
